It’s been a long time since I dated. I’d forgot how much I used to enjoy it, how much fun I used to have, and how natural and easy it used to feel. It was time to experience it again, to be spontaneous, courageous and to invite dating into my life again. To give life and myself a chance for a fresh start.
Scared as I was I went for it anyway. Back in April I asked myself out after a much “over longed” break. I’d been in therapy for a year then, so it felt as the next step to take to overcome some ingrained fears, as well as to challenge myself, to grow.
Sadlers Wells happened to have a ballet performance that I’d wanted to see, so I just booked a ticket for one. For no one else, but myself, to go to the theater alone. To be there on my own (surrounded with strangers, but without a “security” person, who would watch my back). To sit through a two-hour performance in a closed space packed with people. To just be and to enjoy my own company.
Funny how we take things for granted. Years ago doing such a thing had been part of everyday life, and I’d only realized its importance when I no longer was able to do so. When being alone, going out alone even just for groceries, when basic activities’d become a struggle. When life might had been optional and existence would become survival.
On 15th April I took half a day off of work and went for a date with an old friend, a warrior, someone who has became familiar again – me. It was exciting, liberating and somewhat emotional. To be able to step out of my comfort zone, a space that over the years had shrunk into a cage, overshadowing every step I took. To have fun without having an escape plan, to experience the freedom of my mind again. It was fantastic, and so was the performance, by the way. So breathtaking (and not in a panicky or anxious way), that I forgot about projected limitations, and just let myself be there, absorbing every moment of the art that happened on stage.
It was a great date! Since then I have been to many more – always being loyal to the one, I am exclusive now… And content again…
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