SOULFOOD

HOW I SURVIVED A TURKISH BATH

ENG: This story has its roots in 2013, when we went to Oludeniz and enjoyed/survived a bunch of things there. I made a diary of it, and gradually been sharing it on the blog – literally gradually, it is 2016 now, and I still haven’t finished. So, this post is about my adventure in the Turkish bath….

In the afternoon exactly 5pm the taxi arrived and took us to the nearby village for the Turkish bath. It was booked in a hotel’s spa section, where they showed us around explaining the details of the treatment and introducing our hammam masters, aka the masseurs. I gently noted out to Tom, that the sauna is not my friend, but it was too late to back out.

First we got naked, had a cold shower then settled in the sauna. My darling was talking to me, so that I could keep my presence of mind – he knows that this works most of the time. At the end it was quite pleasant in the sauna despite all the heat. “Mr Hammam” brought us some water, so we didn’t dry out and occasionally checked upon us through the glass door with a creepy smile (he reminded me of that she-male from the film ‘First 50 dates’).

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Source: Pinterest

After we’d sweated enough we got escorted to the scene of crime, aka the massage chamber. It was covered by marble and mosaics, and the ceiling was decorated with frescos – at least I assumed that had been the idea, just did not work out. Anyway, I was super-excited to see what was going to happen.

Back then when we booked the procedure they’d ensured me my master was going to be a female – that information had probably got lost somewhere over the rainbow, as my masseur was definitely a man. It was in fact that jolly she-male from the sauna, but really I didn’t care, and I’m not that shy anyway.

I got comfortable on the pre-heated marble in the middle of the room, so that my dear fellow could start the show. First of all he dashed two uber-bowls of water against me good and proper, that I almost glided off the bench from the pressure, and so that one of my contact lenses got lost in my eye. Immediately I signaled to time out, got myself into lense-seeking mode, and restored my vision with some effective finger exercise. Mr Hammam apologized with cherries on top and carried on with the procedure.

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Source: Pinterest

He polished me with what felt like sandpaper (really it was a pair of gloves) while wildly singing. The whole situation made me laugh under my nose – giving thanks to fate for this idiot. Well, at least I will have lots of stories to tell at home and on my blog, I thought.

At the end of the peeling he slapped my arm so real hard shouting ‘oxygen’, that I got shocked and gave him my killer look (almost like the ‘Blue steel’, but more stringent). He just laughed and rinsed my body. The next step was the bubble pack – a lovely experience. He folded a big cloth into half, which had previously been dipped in soap, and by blowing air into it he made huge bubbles. Then he squeezed them out onto my body, so that I was covered from head to toe. He thoroughly massaged me then rinsed both of us couple of times.

He had so much fun the whole time and to be honest he was absolutely sweet trying his best to give me a good time. I guess it’s just that it was more of a show for tourists than a relaxing experience. At the end of the procedure I couldn’t escape him giving me high-fives, even though I live by a strict no high-five policy, and now it was me, trying my best to ensure him that I’d just had the time of my life. We then sat in the jacuzzi with Tom for a while, sipping some complimentary apple tea and relaxing after this awkward torture…

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Source: Pinterest

TO BE CONTINUED…

Catch up on part 1 (the journey), 2 (the hotel), 3 (the morning after), 4 (the adventure) & 5(snorkeling)

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HU: Ez a tortenet 2013-ban kezdodott, oludenizi nyaralasunk alatt, melyrol becsuletesen naplot vezettem, s azota kicsinyenkent fel is toltogetem a blogra. Kicsinyenkent – mar 2016 van, es meg mindig nem fejeztem be… A mai elmenybeszamolo arrol szol, hogyan eltem meg/tul a torok furdot.

Delutan otre jott ertunk a taxi, majd elvitt minket egy kozeli varosba, ahol mar elore lefoglaltuk a furdot. Korbevezettek minket, elmagyaraztak az egyes lepeseket, bemutattak a masszoroket, azaz a hammam mestereket. Finoman jeleztem Tomasnak, hogy nekem a szauna nem a baratom, de mar keso volt visszatancolni.

Eloszor is levetkoztunk, letusoltunk hideg vizzel, majd letelepedtunk a szaunaban. Dragam igyekezett szoval tartani, nehogy elveszitsem a lelekjelenletem, tudja, hogy nalam ez mukodik veszhelyzet eseten. Vegulis kellemes volt bent a hatalmas hoseg ellenere is. Hammam ur hozott be nekunk egy kis vizet, hogy el ne hervadjunk, es neha bevigyorgott az uvegajton keresztul, hogy elunk-e meg.

Miutan elegge szetizzadtuk magunkat atvezettek minket a procedura terembe. Az egesz marvannyal es mozaikkal volt lefedve, a mennyezeten pedig egy kis joindulattal freskonak latszo elemek “diszelegtek”. A levego szupernyirkos volt, en pedig izgatottan vartam, hogy akkor most mi lesz.

Amikor bejelentkeztunk a furdobe biztositottak rola, hogy noi mestert kapok majd, ehhez kepest egy igenis ferfi hammam kezdett el rajtam dolgozni. Hozzateszem nem vagyok szegyenlos, vegulis teljesen mindegy, gondoltam. Hasra fekudtem a terem kozepen levo elomelegitett marvanyon, kenyelmesen elhelyezkedtem, mire a kedves hammamom megkezdte a musort.

Eloszor is parszor istenesen hozzamba…tt egy-ket lavot vizet (ennel koltoiebben nem tudom erzekeltetni), majdnem lesiklottam a marvanyrol, mire az egyik kontaktlencsem felrecsuszott a szememen. Jeleztem, hogy “dur-dur” (allj), lencsekereso modba helyeztem magam, majd par jol begyakarolt ujjmozdulattal visszaallitottam a latasom. Hammam ur elnezest kert es folytatta a dolgat.

Smirgli kesztyuvel atdorzsolte a testem, kozben vad eneklesbe kezdett. En mar rohogtem a bajszom alatt, hogy ilyen nincs, megint nekem jutott a marhaja, de legalabb lesz mit meselni a klubban, meg persze a blogomon. A peeling vegen akkorat vagott a karomra mondvan, hogy ‘oxigen’, hogy gyilkos tekintetem legszebbikevel felneztem, mire o ovatosan leoblitett vizzel.

Ezutan kovetkezett a habpakolas, amit szappanba martott, parszor megrazott ronggyal keszitett. Levegot fujva a ket vegen osszefogott rongyba az megtelt habbal, amit a hammam gyors mozdulatokkal kipreselt a testemre. Ezt aztan szetmasszirozta rajtam, majd vizzel oblitette le, mikozben sajat magat is joparszor lemosta.

Hihetetlenul jol szorakozott a mesterem, es vegtelenul igyekezett a leheto legjobb show-t produkalni. A procedura befejeztevel duplapacsiztunk egyet, ezt nem tudtam kikerulni, majd biztositottam rola, hogy nagyon jol ereztem magam a kezei kozott. Dragammal  atsetaltunk a jacuzziba, ahol kicsit megpihentunk, es elkortyolgattunk egy csesze finom almateat. Az uton hazafele konstataltuk, hogy ohajunk, miszerint elkelne itt tobb igazi torok elmeny meghallgattatott…

Catch up on part 1 (az utazas), 2 (a hotel), 3 (az elso reggel), 4 (a kaland) & 5 (buvarkodok)

One thought on “HOW I SURVIVED A TURKISH BATH

  1. When I was in Budapest for school, we went to the Spa — my friend and I were connected with a “hot” masseur. Our poor wallflower classmate who heard our stories went to the spa and……….was set-up with a Troll. Sigh. We felt badly for her.

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